Ode to Plaid

Plaid is an ancient and regal tradition.  Originally used to denote clan in Scotland, it has spread like wildfire across the lands, infecting every nation and every culture with the tartan-streaked color wheel of godless beauty.  Today, plaid no longer denotes clan, but instead denotes mental toughness and astonishing bravery.

It’s a well known fact that men and women all over the world choose plaid for its warmth, feel, quality, and of course, beauty.  No matter where you live, you can rest assured that a plaid clad warrior is off somewhere not so far away defending you and everyone you love from menial labor.  These plaid soldiers do things like chop wood, get into bar fights, have beards, live in the mountains, and generally are tougher than everyone else.  Thus, is their value to society.

If you’d like to join the plaid cult of personality, too bad, you aren’t plaid worthy.  Spend a year learning to handle an axe, then maybe you’ll have what it takes to be considered for plaidhood.  Plaid: it’s the magic that makes the world go round.

Many posers attempt to choose to wear plaid. What they do not realize is that you don’t get to choose plaid.  Plaid chooses you.  Because so many have attempted to disgrace the holy vessel that is plaid by wearing it without divine right, certain measures have been put into place to keep these pretenders under control.  This includes anyone who wears aviators with their plaid.  That, though, is really the only stipulation.

For the ladies. . . .  All you really need to do to attract manly, stunning, plaidwearing beasts is to wear plaid yourselves.  This is because it takes courage just to wear the stuff for you fashion sensitive types.  Anyone who knows me knows that the way to my empty heart cavity is through plaidwearing women.  I salute you plaidchosen women, for being of that genus that makes me so giddy with the joy of the chase. Thanks for being there, the only type of female capable of handling a true plaid warrior. Written in the stars through time, we were made for each other. 

-Scott

Comments

[Alex Paul]

I think it's about me!

I love Plaid.

Who wrote this???

I'm going to kick their plaid ass