I Like You. Duck.

Boys hit girls they like.  If you are something other than a boy, this is a fact you may not know.

Listen up cute girls, we think you're swell, but we don't know how to say it, so we figure hitting you is the next best thing.  We know that you like it, so just quit pretending.  Seriously.  What says, "I want to get to know you better," like a physical blow? Nothing.  It’s like poetry in motion, really.  There are no words, just desire and pain.  It’s beautiful, like an autumn moon, or a newborn baby is beautiful.  It’s like a courtship dance conducted on a grandiose scale; a romance of the gods.

Romance at this level should be carried past junior high, through adolescence and into adulthood.  Think about it.  You're at the office, and you have a crush on one of the typing girls, but you just don't know how to tell her!  Eureka! You walk up behind her and hit her across the back of the head.  She says, "How ‘bout lunch tomorrow?" and you give her the thumbs up, your best smile and a wink, and go back to work.  It’s simple, really.

This practice would essentially eliminate 90 percent of the problems that arise from dating, including conversation, personality, awkwardness, and body odor.  A few issues remain, including physical appearance, and also where you will go on your date, but really you don't need to go anywhere. Just stay home and hit each other.

-Scott

Comments

[Willie S.]

hahaha, this is awesome Scott. It made me laugh. props dude...props

[Hannah]

hmm i think i'll start to punch my loving husband on a regular basis now :)